Life in the NICU

What is it like to have a child in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit? That is most definitely a question that I never imagined being able to answer but obviously God had something else in mind. I told MV the other night that I keep waiting for an answer - Why did this happen? Why did Mr. T decide to appear 8 weeks early? Could I have paid better attention to my body or what was going on? He reminded me that we may never have "an answer" like I am looking for. There may be no reason other than God decided it to be so. And so with that in mind I am beginning to accept things a little bit more and get my head around what is going on. This is our life so I might as well learn what I can from this experience and make the best of every day.

We have now been here almost three weeks and it looks like we still have a few more in front of us. Mr. T is doing better every day - gaining weight (now 5lbs 4oz) and learning to eat. In order to go home he will have to take all 8 feedings (one days worth) from me or from a bottle and be able to maintain his weight while doing so. He completed his first full feed from me yesterday and then took almost a full feed from a bottle at 2 a.m. this morning (45 mL is a full feed for him right now and he took 40 mL). For those who don't know much about the mL to ounce ratio 30 mL = 1 ounce. The doctors write orders for how many "attempts" he is allowed per day. Right now he is allowed three. Once he gets one or two down then they will increase it to four and so on.

He is beginning to look and act more and more like a real baby. That might sound funny to you but when your baby lives in a plastic incubator box for the first week of his life and has constantly been connected to one machine or another since birth, it is easy to feel disconnected. I told the nurse a few days ago that the less cords and outside interference, the more I feel like his mom. Changing diapers, taking temperature, putting on a new outfit (due to a blowout), swaddling, washing dirty clothes/blankets and starting to feed are all things that I took for granted with A. Now they are things I look forward to. I especially enjoy doing his laundry - tiny as it may be - because it is a reminder that he is here, he is ours and one day he will come home with us.

I know bringing him home will be difficult in many ways and my hands will be full but I will gladly take that over the emotional and physical toll that occurs when traveling back and forth from the hospital all day every day. T eats at 2, 5, 8 and 11 so I/we are here for at least three of those every day. Somehow we squeeze in meals, short conversations and if we are super lucky - a nap in between all the running around. I will say that I have never been so thankful to live so close to the hospital - thank goodness our house didn't sell a few months ago! The back and forth has been hard on all of us but I think it has hit Audrey the hardest. Having Grammy V in town is wonderful (and I will forever be indebted to her) but I can tell A is ready to have her mom and dad home with her on a regular basis. We have pictures of Mr. T on the refrigerator and she talks to him regularly. No, I don't think she is aware that he will be coming to live with us but she is very aware that he exists and already talks about him throughout the day. I am confident she will be a wonderful big sister!!!

I can't thank each of you enough for your prayers and support. We have been incredibly blessed in that he has had no major health concerns (his kidney dye test came back perfectly clear earlier this week) and we do not take that for granted (please keep praying for our friends' daughter, Porter Kate Lary, who is in the NICU as well). I often tell people that he is seemingly healthy but just needs to eat and grow.

Our prayer requests right now:
- that he will learn to suck, swallow, breathe
- that he will continue to gain wait
- that God will keep our bodies and hearts strong as we begin our third week in the NICU (specifically, my emotions are running high and leaving him becomes more and more difficult with each passing day)

Love to you all!!




AV


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