12 weeks to go

(I started this a few days ago so it's a little late but nonetheless ... )

It seems like just a few days ago that we found out we were expecting our first child. At that moment it seemed like 12 weeks was beyond far. I could think about was making it safely through the first 12 weeks and yet that marker seemed to loom in the distance. The first 12 weeks were full of excitement and awe. Trying to grasp the fact that a new life had been created and was growing inside of me was more than I could comprehend. Obviously, I couldn't "feel" anything inside and since I didn't have morning sickness I didn't feel pregnant in general. I remember trying to guard my heart and mind - reminding myself that millions of pregnancies don't make it through the first trimester and doing all that I could to enjoy each day. It was during the first 12 weeks that we were able to share it with family and let them join in the excitement. We went to a few doctor's appointments, saw the tiny heart beat, started reading my "week by week" pregnancy book and imagining how this tiny miracle inside of me would change our lives forever. Before I could blink ... 12 weeks had come and gone. First trimester completed.

Here I am again, 28 weeks behind me and another 12 ahead. These, I can only imagine, will be drastically different from the first 12. By now I am visibly pregnant and if that is not enough of a reminder I get to feel her move around all day long. I'm still trying to decipher what is what - a kick? a punch? rolling over? Some are more obvious than other but what I can decipher is that there is most certainly a new life living inside of me and growing each and every day. I have seen her entire body in great detail (via sonogram) and listened to her precious little four-chamered heart beat away within her sweet little chest. I've seen her profile and tried to figure out if she favors me or Michael. I've had baby dreams - some scary and others absolutely hysterical. I've moved past pregnancy reading alone and am now trying to prepare for what we'll do once she actually arrives. I've picked out bedding and furniture and tried to imagine what it will be like to bring her home from the hospital.

As her due date approaches the responsibility of being a godly parent becomes more and more real to me. Will she know that I love her? Will I be tender and compassionate towards her at 2:00 a.m. in the morning when I can't seem to console her? Will I be strong for her when she is scared? Will she see he love of Christ reflected in my life? Will we, as parents, live our lives in such a way that she sees a difference? Will we discipline her correctly? I know we will stumble and makes mistakes - when we do, will we be willing to ask for her forgiveness?

These are the questions that run through my head when I'm laying in bed or driving in the car. All I know to do is ask God for the grace and wisdom that we need to raise a daughter who will grow to fear and love the Lord with all of her heart - and see that her parents strive for the same.


Rumor has it that the A/C is being repaired as I type this so hopefully we'll be back home very shortly ... and be able to finish the bathroom within the next few weeks. Pictures to follow.

-av-